your a pain in the ass

the world is a pain in the ass.
i hate people. i hate everyone in the world.
all the prejudice makes me sick

FUCK YOU RELIGION.

i never realized.

how much i love and need my mom.
she really has become a big part of my life.
i used to push her away because i assumed she didnt care.
but now that ive had to be dependent on her ive realized how amazing she is.
she has become one of my best friends. im so glad ive gotten a chance to know my mommy<3



its not like i hated her, or never wanted her in my life.
i just never talked to her like i do now.

i feel lucky that i have the opportunity to have my mom and i feel bad for girls that dont. :/
every girl needs a mother.

why

is it that the one person can kill your soul, your spirit, and your smile says one things to you and everything seems to be back in order.

im not sad.
im happy because he imed me. how lame am i. :/

today was..

another worst day of my life.

it doesnt make it better when he apologizes for every time hes fucked up. i want him in the worst way but im not up to standards apparently. direct quote. sometimes i just feel like hes got a leash on my lungs. a beautiful bow tie on a box of a broken heart. am i that replaceable ? am i that horrible? i thought he was saving me.

she.

you are the only one who hasnt given up on me not once.
not when ive turned on you; hurt you; and abandoned you in your time of need.

that is everything to me.
i will always need you in my life.

you've given me strength.
you've given me light.
you've picked me up from the gutter.

you ARE an amazing person.

and sometimes.

i just have everything to say.
and it means absolutely nothing to anyone but me.


and sometimes...
i have nothing to say
and that means more than saying something.

the time has come the walrus said...

i miss my imagination.
i used to be great a writing/singing/photography
im just not myself.
and im afraid im gonna forget who 'myself' really is.
the time has come to pick my future
and im going to fail as an adult i just know it.
im going to fail at life because im so good at it.
im scared of not being good at what i love.

save me from my thoughts, they are consuming me.

dreamless sleeping.

im going back on my diet. maybe then i wouldnt repulse people anymore.
you ever just felt like carving out of your skin.
or just cutting it off with a pair of scissors.

fucking horrible genetics.
fucking horrible self.

i lack a soul.

a million little broken pieces i call my heart.
a billion little stepped on pieces i call myself.




i think its going to be a long time before im completely okay. ive never felt so stupid. ive never felt so broken in my life. time heals all? maybe.


but overall today was little better. i guess. i laid around like a vegetable and watched americas next top model. i find it harder and harder to get off my bed in the morning. i miss my smile. its escaped my face. i miss my laugh. its ran away from my lungs. im off to bed to dream of happy things, the catch -- i wake up.